I both agree and disagree with Amanda Hess when she takes issue with the media backlash against all the attention placed on the Royal Wedding. I agree with her argument that it’s getting degraded largely because it’s perceived as feminine. But I disagree that the public obsession with the Royal Wedding is something to be defended. In its defense, she says that “the royal wedding is this year’s Superbowl of girl culture.”
I can agree with that much. The Superbowl is a pointless, idiotic ritual focusing on people with way more money than they deserve that gets way more media attention than it deserves. Oh hey, so is the Royal Wedding. So it’s a good analogy.
Lavish wedding ceremonies, the institution of marriage itself, the adulation of monarchy, the popular mythology surrounding princesses – these are not things to be upheld or defended. Sure, some women celebrate these things. That doesn’t make them feminist. That’s something that some feminists refer to as “participating in their own oppression.”
But Hess’ response to this Washington Post column is otherwise pretty spot-on. Ah, WaPo. Even when you try to be feminist you still manage to be wrong. The columnist, Petula Dvorak, also has a problem with the Royal Wedding craze. But her basic argument is that girls like dumb things, so they should act like boys instead. This is the telling paragraph:
The average age of the American bride is about 26 today, though it’s probably higher in this area. Here, 26-year-olds are still joining kickball leagues while getting their advanced degrees in international affairs. They are more into debating U.S.-China policy and less into picking out a China pattern.
So let’s get this straight. Kickball is okay for intelligent people to do (presumably because it’s coded masculine in our culture). But picking out China patterns is not okay for intelligent people to do (presumably because it’s coded feminine). I’m afraid I just don’t see it.
As Hess points out, “boy culture” isn’t exactly filled with intellectual activities. Kickball involves kicking a ball. It’s not a thought-intensive process. But Dvorak seems to just unconsciously assume it’s a more intelligent activity because it’s a guy thing. She’s wrong about that.
But I disagree with Hess in her attempt to defend “girl culture.” Let’s face it, girl culture is stupid. It should be torn down. That being said, boy culture is also stupid, in equal measure. And it should also be torn down. Just as some feminists in the past wanted to celebrate supposedly “feminine” qualities, Hess wants to celebrate supposedly “feminine” activities. Many feminists today feel that it would be far more beneficial to simply tear down the distinctions between “masculine” and “feminine.” I’m one of them.
So diss the Royal Wedding. But don’t do it because it’s the cool thing to do. Do it because marriage, lavish marriage rituals, and monarchy are all institutions that need to be thrown out the window.
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I’m really really torn about this. On the one hand, I think the hubbub over the royal wedding is kind of disgusting. On the other hand, I enjoyed seeing the dress, and I GET the need to ooh and aah over fashion because fashion is, after all, just art that happens to be wearable.
Like you, I’ve often noticed that that which is perceived to be traditionally feminine is immediately labeled as frivolous or stupid, which is one of the reasons I absolutely REFUSE to apologize for liking things that could be construed as “girly.” For instance, I always thought a lot of the hatred of SATC had to do with the fact that it was about 4 women who were a.) not young b.) fairly independent, and in the end the show was more about their friendship than anything else. I had problems with the show myself (because all 4 women were extraordinarily privileged white women)…but I always thought the hatred of the show was over-the-top and spoke to something much darker than simply dislike of a show.
Agreed completely. I personally find most of the SATC characters annoying (their privilege, as you point out, being one reason), but a lot of the negative reaction to SATC makes them out to be SHRILL HARPIES who are RIPPING AMERICA’S BALLS OFF. I think you pretty much nailed it – it’s not a show that’s interested in making men feel comfortable in their patriarchal assumptions, and that offends patriarchal men on a very deeply ingrained level. That’s the same reason conservative reaction to Hillary Clinton is so over the top. If she’s going to be an evil librul she could at least have the decency to be a big-breasted airhead so we can all just pretend she’s here to be eye candy. And it explains why Palin is the anti-Clinton – she agrees with their politics AND she’s a big-breasted airhead.
Re: “girly” stuff, I agree. If a person wants to pick out the perfect China pattern for a room in their house, who the hell is Dvorak to declare that that’s not a worthy endeavor?
but a lot of the negative reaction to SATC makes them out to be SHRILL HARPIES who are RIPPING AMERICA’S BALLS OFF. I think you pretty much nailed it – it’s not a show that’s interested in making men feel comfortable in their patriarchal assumptions, and that offends patriarchal men on a very deeply ingrained level.
Exactly. And I think the fact that–in the end, if you were really paying attention–the show was not about sex or men really stuck in some folks’ craws.
I’ve been avoiding royal wedding coverage because, as an American, I feel that adulation of royalty goes against the national character as I perceive it. Hell, we fought a war to get rid of these shackles.
Kickball is okay for intelligent people to do (presumably because it’s coded masculine in our culture).
I don’t know if kickball is coded masculine, I would posit that it is coded juvenile. Kickball is typically played by elementary school students, and is not played beyond 3rd or 4th grade. I think she’s trying to make a point about infantilizing nostalgia, rather than a point about gender roles.