Tag Archives: Newt Gingrich

Lately I feel like the world just isn’t violent enough

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Oh lawd, that is some batshit wingnuttery:

Appearing before the National Rifle Association annual meeting this afternoon, Newt Gingrich called for a new United Nations treaty that would give the right to bear arms to every person on the planet.

“The right to bear arms comes from our creator, not our government,” Gingrich said. The NRA “has been too timid” in promoting its agenda beyond American borders. The Bill of Rights was not written only for Americans, he said. “It is a universal document.”

(h/t David Atkins)

That’s… an interesting perspective to hear from the mouth of someone who holds a degree in history. My current working theory is that Gingrich forgot his history lessons so hard that he actually flew right past ignorance and into the territory of what I’m tentatively calling “antitruth.” Newt “knows” many antitruths about history, like someone who just stumbled in from Narnia and wants to start teaching biology classes about the myriad species of talking animals.

I could get into the silliness of claiming that the Bill of Rights wasn’t written only for Americans, or the monstrosity of wanting to dump (at minimum) six billion more guns into an already violent and fractured planet. But I wouldn’t best David Atkins, so just click on his name up there.

Meanwhile, the original Newt.org article contains the following adorable little tidbit:

Newt’s reception from the crowd of 5,000 people was more enthusiastic than Governor Romney’s.

Mommy loves me more!

Gingrich’s campaign envisions a dystopian sci-fi world of gunfighting sheep and high-stakes cocktails

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The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.

That was a statement made by a spokesman for Gingrich’s campaign in response to all the grilling Gingrich has been subjected to in the media lately. An official, on-the-record statement.

Let me see if I can piece together the narrative here. The secret cabal of literature scholars who run our government dispatched their sheep-ninjas to protect the establishment from the threatening forces of Newt Gingrich. The sheep-ninjas waited for a moment of weakness and began firing upon Gingrich’s forces. Sensing a threat to their status as cocktail party invitees, the sheep-ninjas intensified their fire. But Gingrich arose from the smoke like the Terminator towards the end of Terminator.

Do I have that about right? It’s a difficult story to follow.